


Failure ; Diego Hargreeves

by stfuklaus



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Anger, Anxiety, Bisexual Diego Hargreeves, Childhood Trauma, Drinking, Gen, Hurt Diego Hargreeves, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Sex, Internalized Homophobia, References to Drugs, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Smoking, Stuttering, Stuttering Diego Hargreeves, Suicidal Thoughts, Transgender Diego Hargreeves, Trauma, getting kicked out
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-18 15:53:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28869597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stfuklaus/pseuds/stfuklaus
Summary: Hi!! Author note here, my first language isn't English but I try my best, I try to make sure everything makes sense and is worded properly. Also, I do this for fun! Please don't expect a very professional work because I'm only writing this because I find it entertaining. Enjoy!! <3
Relationships: Diego Hargreeves & Eudora Patch
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!! Author note here, my first language isn't English but I try my best, I try to make sure everything makes sense and is worded properly. Also, I do this for fun! Please don't expect a very professional work because I'm only writing this because I find it entertaining. Enjoy!! <3

_January 2012._

Diego hadn’t slept all night, he thought he’d eventually had to fall asleep, but the time never came.

Him and his brother Klaus had been living together for around five years now, after Klaus got kicked out. Even though Reginald was a “cold-hearted bitch” as Diego would say, he cared about the kids. After losing Five and Ben, he couldn’t bear losing more. Not to death or disappearance at least. Hargreeves decided to give them all enough money to live until they got a job when they decided to move out. Klaus didn’t move out though, Reginald kicked him out. Called him useless and said he was “fed up with him”.

_Five years ago._

Diego saw Klaus sitting outside with his bags, crying, not knowing what to do. He decided he wasn’t going to live there anymore, not with his two favorite siblings gone. After maybe an hour, Klaus heard his brother’s voice.

“Klaus, get up.”

“Diego? Did he kick you out too?”

“No. I’m leaving this shithole. You’re coming with me. Or what, are you gonna sit there and wait for someone to give you money?”

“We have nothing Diego, we have to find a job, how will we stay alive?”

“Dad gave me a loan, we can live off of that. Until we find a job at least. I did some research, we can rent a small apartment, there’s some near here that aren’t very expensive. Pretty good deal actually, two rooms, a bathroom and a kitchen. Come on, let’s go”

Klaus got happy, he thought it was the end, but his brother had saved his ass. As per usual.

_January 2012._

“Yoo-hoo, wake up Diegoooo! Guess what I made for breakfast this morning?” Klaus’s voice made his ears ring. Not because it was annoying or anything, but after a long night of overthinking, peace and quiet was all he craved.

“What did you make Klaus?” he responded in a monotone voice, ready to hear the same answer as every Saturday.

“I made us… drumroll… pancakes!”

Diego grunted and got out of bed after letting out a very unenthusiastic and clearly sarcastic “yay”. He sat down at the table, poured some maple syrup on his pancakes, and started eating.

“Hm, these are really good Klaus. Did you try something new?”

“Yeah! Ben suggested that I added extra butter and it was a great idea”

“Ben?”

“Yes Ben, did you forget I can commune with the dead?”

“Oh... right. I forgot.”

Diego finished his breakfast and sighed, blankly staring at his empty plate with a disappointed look on his face.

“Hey uhh… what’s wrong Diego? You don’t seem very happy or enthusiastic this morning”

“Klaus can w-ww-we talk, please…”

Klaus noticed his brother’s stutter. It wasn’t something that happened every day, it only happened when Diego felt vulnerable. He got worried, and sat down next to his brother, trying to comfort him.

“Yeah, yeah… What’s up?”

He took a deep breath, and explained what had been bothering him.

“So yesterday I got a call and… t-they told me that rent was going to be more expensive. I can’t afford us living together a-anymore.” He said, trying to stay calm, barely being able to make eye contact. He knew if he looked at Klaus he wouldn’t be able to hold his tears back. He didn’t want to see Klaus’s expression when he told him that. It was the second time Klaus was getting kicked out, this time, by his own brother, and the only person he had.

“Oh… I’ll go pack my things then” Klaus answered, unamused.

Diego sat there for what was around an hour, but it felt like forever.

“I’m done packing, Diego” he heard. He had completely zoned out, he felt like he was drowning in his own thoughts. Hearing Klaus’s voice made him snap back into reality, but did he really want to?

“Mhm” he said very softly, almost inaudibly.

He heard Klaus walk to the door with his keys in his hand, dropping his heavy bag on the floor. He opened the door, looked at the keys for a few seconds.

“Well I’ll leave these here” Klaus said in a soft, almost comforting voice, while leaving his keys on the counter. “I guess I won’t need them anymore.” He chuckled after a few seconds of silence. It wasn’t an awkward silence, though, just not a very nice one either.

Klaus waited for Diego to say goodbye, but got absolutely nothing. He grabbed the bag he had let down on the floor previously and started walking out.

“W-wait Klaus” Diego finally said, his voice breaking. Seeing or even hearing Diego cry broke Klaus’s heart

“Yeah?”

Dead silence again. Only lasted a few seconds, but for them it felt so much longer.

Diego got up and ran over to Klaus, wrapping his arms around him and hugging him harder than he’s ever hugged anyone before. He started crying softly, even though he hates being vulnerable. Klaus hugged him back, which made him cry harder.

Diego repeating the words “I-I’m sorry Klaus I- I-I’m really s-sorry you don’t d-deserve this” while crying, his voice shaky and his head on his brother’s shoulder. Klaus was trying his best to comfort him, saying “It’s okay. it’s okay, I’ll be okay I promise”.

After a few minutes, Diego let go of Klaus and wiped the tears off his face.

“Can y-you do me a f-f-favor please?”

“Hm?”

“I know you struggle with your power and drugs are your only escape but… c-can you please try to stay sober for m-me, Klaus”

That was enough to make Klaus break, and his voice started breaking as well, a tear rolled down his face.

“I’ll try, but I can’t promise anything”

“I understand, thank you”

Klaus picked his bag up again, and before he could close the door, he heard Diego’s voice.

“Oh, and, Klaus?”

“Yes?”

“I’ll miss pancakes on Saturday.”

“And I’ll miss hearing you complain about Saturday pancakes.”

They both giggled, and Klaus left.

He was craving peace and quiet earlier. But now that he had gotten it, the silence in the house was almost… painful.


	2. Chapter 2

Diego sat back down, audibly sighed.

“I think I’ll take a nap, my head hurts.” he said, expecting to hear Klaus offer him warm tea or some pain killers. The only response he got was silence. “Oh right. I’m alone now. Great.” He responded to himself in a sarcastic tone of voice. He got up and walked towards his room, only to see a sticky note on his door. Klaus would leave them there to remind him of the things he had to do that day.

“I think the only thing you have to do today is wash the dishes. We can go ice skating later today if you want, we can get food as well. Maybe tacos. Tacos sound good :)” he read out. He felt a lump in his throat and he started crying again. No one could see him. No one could judge him anymore. He was alone for the first time in 22 years.

He sat down on the floor, crying and holding onto his brother’s sticky note. He told himself that he’d go ice skating for Klaus. If he had enough energy at least. He sat down on the floor and broke down. After maybe 15 or 20 minutes of saying “I’m sorry” over and over under his breath while crying, he decided to get up and go wash his face.

“Stop acting like this,” he said to himself, “you’re being weak.”

Feeling the cold water hitting his face was refreshing. It made him feel a little bit better. He looked at himself in the mirror, almost not recognizing himself. He felt lost. Whenever he felt bad or sick, Klaus would take care of him. He felt as if he had to repay Diego for saving his life that day, so he always tried his best to help around the house. He didn’t have a job either so that was his “part”. Now, Diego was alone, no one to help him or comfort him. He only had himself.

He laid down on his bed in a comfortable position. His head still hurt, his eyes felt heavy. He fell asleep almost immediately. Everything was awfully quiet.

After a few hours, he woke up from his nap. He didn’t want to wake up yet, but he was having nightmares. He decided to get dressed and order something to eat since it was now 4:26.

“Klaus what do you want to order?” he asked out of habit, the realization hit him a few seconds later. He sighed, looked at the sticky note he had left on the floor. “He wanted tacos”. He picked up his phone and ordered the tacos he wanted. He would normally go get them himself, but his energy was drained. While he waited, he decided to turn the TV on.

“A few minutes ago, there was a dead junkie reported-” were the first words he heard. His heart immediately dropped to his stomach, he felt sick. “Klaus no”. He kept watching to see if it wasn’t his brother. Fortunately, it wasn’t, but he had gotten extremely anxious. He felt dizzy and nauseous, felt as if he couldn’t breathe. His hands had started shaking and he had started sweating. He noticed his heart was beating at an extremely fast pace, for a moment he thought he was going to pass out. But he didn’t. He took deep breaths, told himself Klaus was okay. He still felt dizzy, but it wasn’t as bad as before. He turned the TV off, laid down, and sighed. “I should probably wash the dishes. I’ll do that after eating”. Talking to himself was… weird. He had never truly paid attention to his own thoughts. He was always busy with something else, he never got to actually analyze everything that went on in his head.

_I failed Klaus. I was the only person he had. I failed him, just like I failed Ben. I wasn’t good enough. I never will be. I’ll always be the second choice. “Number Two”. Hm. Makes sense. I’m not good enough to be number one. Always number two. Why were you crying earlier? You’re such a pussy. It’s your fault. If anyone should’ve been crying, it should’ve been Klaus. Not you. You were weak. He wasn’t. You failed him and he didn’t cry. You did. You’re so weak. I bet you can’t take anything without crying. Anything. Whether it’s a punch, a small cut, a break up. You should never be in a relationship. You don’t deserve it. You wouldn’t be able to deal with it. You couldn’t even deal with your dad. Why were you crying? Why are you so weak? You’re a pussy. You can’t fight. You’re not strong. You’re weak. Weak. Weak. Nothing but weak. Useless. You couldn’t even help Ben that day. You let him die. It was your fault. You’re not strong. You’re weak. The weakest one of your siblings. You’re a failure, Diego Hargreeves. A fucking failure. How does it feel like to know that? Doesn’t the thought of being a failure haunt you? Weak._

His doorbell rang, making him snap back into reality. He felt so helpless. His thoughts started out as, well, himself, but they quickly turned into someone else. Someone took over his brain. He couldn’t get that voice out of his head. He wasn’t in control of his own thoughts. He was scared.

He got up, shook his head trying to clear his mind. He paid for his tacos and sat down to eat. “Klaus wouldn’t want to see me like this” he told himself, and tried to cheer up. While eating, he realized how much he missed his mom. How much he missed the food she made. How much he missed her helping him with his stutter. How much he missed hearing the words “I’m proud of you.” How much he missed being himself. How much he missed being a kid. How much he missed the childhood that was stolen from him, the childhood he never got to have. Wishing he could start over. Wishing he was normal.

_I’m not special anyway. I deserved a normal childhood. Or did you? Did you deserve it? No. You DESERVED being put through what he put you through. You deserved it._

That voice took over again.

_Stop. Stop. I didn’t deserve it._

_Yes, you did._

_No, I didn’t._

_You know you deserved it, Diego._

“I DIDN’T DESERVE IT.” He yelled, hitting the table out of anger. A final attempt at silencing his thoughts. They were so loud. He felt trapped in his own mind. He finished his food and washed the dishes like he had to.

He looked at Klaus’s sticky note again. “I’m s-sorry Klaus. I don’t have enough energy to g-go ice skating today.” 


End file.
